Hi mom! I know you are in the middle of a wonderful dream, enjoying a sunny vacation with daddy on an exotic island and yes, that seems to be me in your dream, perfectly silent, wearing some totally spotless designer outfit. I am swinging quietly in a white baby hammock floating gently over a beautiful lush tropical garden. It is so quiet mommy – where is everyone? Oh wait, the dream has just changed to you shoe shopping in a place with rows and rows of rainbow coloured sandals and friendly shoe men that all look like George Clooney. How odd, for some reason I am nowhere to be seen in this dream.
As I was about to say, sorry for this little cry to wake you up from those wonderfully vivid dreams, but at this point in my little life, my voice is all I have to get your attention. During the day, I hear the odd words and phrases that seem to get your attention, but right now it’s 2am and it’s just me and you and I don’t want to wake everyone up. Just you. You are probably wondering why. Well I am sure this doesn’t feel completely fair, but you are the only one who seems to really understand me and what I need at 2am. Sometimes daddy gives me a drink and does this crazy rocking thing. I love that so much, but most of the time, I have to admit it’s just you, my mommy, that I need and want. While it is completely true that I am hungry and thirsty – there is so much more on my little mind that only you can really understand.
I Want a Cuddle
Ok it’s pretty obvious but I like you giving me mommy hugs and holding me close to you at night. You smell wonderful and just the touch of your skin makes me feel secure, safe and tells me that I belong right here, right now. Remember it wasn’t that long ago that I was snuggled up inside you, safe and sound. This whole transition to the “real world” has turned out to be a bit overwhelming and confusing. Did I miss the instruction book? I really sometimes have no idea what I am supposed to do. Little ideas come into my mind, but they are a jumble. There is so much colour, sound, and faces. When I wake up in the middle of the night and feel all alone, I just want you to cuddle me. If that means waking up from your beautiful dreams, well thank you mom for choosing me.
I Want to Cry
Mom, I totally understand that my crying is pretty annoying. But if we could come up with a better idea, I’d really promise to give it a try. Maybe you could attach a little bell to my wrist or we could create some other magic way to let you know how I am feeling. I honestly think that crying is pretty natural though. My baby instincts tell me that it’s far better to have a good cry than letting scary thoughts spin around in your head. Otherwise, why do I see you crying sometimes? Sometimes just having a little drink and holding your fingers makes me feel better. As I said before, I just am a bit overwhelmed by everything right now.
I Want to Eat
It’s true, I do get hungry a lot, and my time isn’t split into day hungry and night hungry. Sometimes I just want to eat. I don’t know how this breastfeeding thing works – but the food you produce like magic, tastes just fantastic! And I love how you hold me and how you breathe deeply and stroke my head and even sing little songs sometimes. I put my hands on you and you never pull away. Sometimes I think you are hurting a bit, but you never let me know and you never blame me. Not sure why you blame yourself, but that seems to be part of being a mommy I don’t understand yet. Thank you for being so brave. It’s just nice to snuggle up next to a person who just loves me and cares for me without expecting anything in return – and who has great food to offer 24/7.
I am Afraid
Sometimes I get these feelings that something bad is going to happen that I am not ready for yet. I have not had a ton of experience in the world, so a sudden noise in the night or even complete silence when I wake up all by myself in my bed with hanging mobiles, collages of wild animals and shadows on the wall. It all makes me feel a bit vulnerable and worried. I just need a friend to whisper in my ear – “It’s ok my love, everything is ok. You are ok.” Hey mom, guess what, you get to be that friend. I know it’s a choice between your sleep and my smile, but I think it’s a reasonable thing for me to offer. I know you are super tired – I really do. Please know that I am new at this – even newer than you.
I Want You
So, thanks mommy for waking up and trying to figure out what’s on my mind. I know that it takes a lot out of you. I know you get tired. I watch you during the day and it makes me sad sometimes to know that I kept you awake for hours, just crying and wriggling and giggling, demanding hugs and food and company. I know how much of a nuisance I can be – but I promise in the future when I am grown up, I will be there for you. I promise you will always have me by your side. You created me – that’s pretty cool mom. And I’ll thank you all my life for that.